An Open Letter to My Guardian Angel

Dear Nanny,

I feel like you were taking from me so soon, but I will be forever grateful for the time given to me with you. You never gave up, nor did you lose the battle. You gave it to Jesus. I don’t think, I have had a time where I could say, I knew what it felt like to be truly heartbroken or lost until now. The pain I can feel throughout my body. The tears stream down like a waterfall from my face. I hope you know the joy that you had through the obstacles that life threw you, and your ability to love others despite their flaws and mistakes was something I always admired. We shared hugs, laughs, tears, and infinite memories that I know I can always treasure. However, as time passes I know I will long to share the moments such as; spending weekends with you, laughing with you, coloring with you, loving on you, seeing me experience my time at “Ole Rocky Top”, seeing you on the front row at my wedding, and holding my first born. The reality of your absence is one I will struggle with until it is my turn to earn my wings, but for now, I can trust you are by my side, following my every step.

For every anxious moment, you will calm me down. For every moment of joyfulness, you will celebrate with me. For every birthday I have, you will cast an extra puff of air to blow out my candles. For every tear that falls, you will dry them. For every moment, I am afraid you will comfort me. For every moment, I pray for you to be here, you will have your hand wrapped around mine. But more than anything, I am blessed to have held your hand and prayed over you just a few short hours before, you decided to go be with Jesus, I know you knew I was there, I felt your fingers squeeze my little fingers, as I asked, “you know I love you?” I can never escape you, and I like it that way.

I have been so focused on how much I miss you, completely forgetting that you are still here, and will never disappear. I know that your peaceful and joyful presence is around me. It is something I will never be able to express in words, but I know that God’s grace as you always said would reunite us. I know how unhappy, you would be with me for shedding tears, but I know you understand it’s because I miss you. The smile you had served people’s hearts and I know that you want mine to as well. I can only try to live my life as joyful as you lived yours. May the reminders of your presence forever satisfy my heart, from the bible you always carried to church, to the hand-written cards you’ve given me, and the pictures taken with you, to the memories that flow throughout my heart. I am lucky to have you, always and forever. For I know visiting your grave, will only, I hope give me a sense of peace, but I know you are not there, your soul is in heaven. As Thanksgiving and Christmas are quickly approaching, I wish you could be here one more time, but I know never would that be enough.

For I have realized that my life will be measured by the quality of moments, not by the time I am here on earth. You truly were a servant of God. You my gorgeous and amazing guardian angel, have taught me more than I can even thank you for, you will continue teaching me and supporting me until it’s my time to gain my guardian angel wings. But for now, I know you will continue to watch over me and will help guide me the way I need to go. I will be forever thankful and can honestly say you helped me begin my relationship with our sweet, Jesus. You taught me how to love without borders, and for these two things I can never be able to express how much it means to me. But this is not goodbye, this is see you later.

I love you, forever and always.

Your granddaughter, Destiny Massengill.